Crunch Time

Its one week away from Miss Phoenix/Miss Cave Creek, two weeks away from Miss Tucson Desert Rose/Old Pueblo/ Del Sol, three weeks away from Miss Tempe/ Miss Mesa, and 9 weeks away from Miss Grand Canyon. I'd say ITS CRUNCH TIME! There is no time to mess around now. Pageant prepping is no joke for those who don't know. Much more goes into this than the common person realizes. Finding the right wardrobe, practicing every day in that wardrobe in front of a mirror to the music selected for the pageant, finding the right pair of pageant shoe and practicing in them all day long, finding the right pageant jewelry (it makes a difference!), practicing stage hair and make up, getting a spray tan (maybe even 2) and nails, practicing interview skills everyday, watching and reading the news every day, making flash cards on current event and personal questions, practicing poses in a mirror, practicing smiling (yes, it hurts after 5 minutes of none stop), completing all the paperwork for the pageant, perfecting the personal paperwork so the judges will want to know you, double triple and quadruple checking to make sure you have everything in your emergency pack (what you forget is what you'll need), practice talent everyday for hours, practice eye contact when having a conversation. On top of this, stay focused in school (most of us are college students), stay healthy, keep up with a physical workout routine, eat right, stay focused, follow deadlines, stay positive, and do not stress out. How is this possible you might wonder?! We are true pageant girls, to the core. We love what we do. We do it for the gratification, for the scholarship money, for our families, for our future, for   a shiny new crown, for the self satisfaction, for the sisterhood, for the organization. Here's a fun fact not many people outside the Miss America world will know; our crowns have 4 points on them. Each point  stands for a characteristic each titleholder/competitor must have: style, service, scholar, and success. Eat, sleep and live by these 4 points and you could never go wrong.
XO-A

I Look Like Them

Cystic Fibrosis (CF) is a physical disability but cannot be seen. It plagues every day and every action. It makes you rethink every single move. You end up asking yourself, "how badly do I need that glass of water on the counter?" Something so simple can throw a CFer into a 30 minute coughing fit. However, we don't look like we are disabled. Sure, most of us look like we have an eating disorder and dark circles under our eyes. But besides that, unless we tell you we are sick, the general public would never know. Ever since I was a young child I was told I was the "poster child" for those living with Cystic Fibrosis. I always took all of my medication. I always did my treatments. I was very active. I ate great with no weight problems. I did everything I could possibly do to stay healthy. Because of my compliancy I was rewarded with praise that I never looked like I had CF. I didn't have dark circles under my eyes. I wasn't extremely skinny. I didn't have any scars on my body from surgeries. I didn't have clubbed fingers. I grew used to hearing I don't look like them. For that, I was very proud. As I grew older I noticed people would ask me every once in a while if I had CF. I realized I am starting to look like them. I became self conscious about this. After my transplant I have noticed I have been asked more than I ever have before my transplant. Last night I was in Walmart out of my hometown with my friend Leah. Shopping for a few pageant items, a lady was looking at coffee. We walked by the coffee and I made a comment about how I thought Macadamia Cookie coffee sounded very unsatisfying. The lady asked if we saw any hot chocolate and we helped her and her daughter look. We didn't find any but before we parted she asked me, "May I ask you a personal question?" With no shame in anything I replied with permission. "Do you have Cystic Fibrosis?" And with that question I saw Leah's jaw drop. I smiled and said "Yes I do. I'm actually almost 5 months out of my double lung transplant." With excitement and gratitude she praised the Lord and hugged me. She went on to tell me how she lost her son to the battle with CF. A harsh reality we CFers face is that we don't live very long. The other woman asked how she knew I had CF. She said because of my voice, my fingers, and my attitude. I said "there's something about CF, we just know" We exchanged contact information and carried on our shopping separately. I realize now that in the CF community I do look like them. I am proud of that. It's a beautiful thing to realize you're not alone in such a terrifying life. There's nothing easy about CF but to know that I have the complete support of the CF community is satisfying. I know I have support from many many more people, for that I am grateful. But it is different coming from people experiencing the same life. It's nice to be reassured I am not the only one.
XO- A

2013 is Over

With it being so close to a new year I feel obligated to express my feelings about my year. How incredible, terrifying, scarring, relieving, unforgettable, liberating. If there is any year that I could mark that I grew the most, I would pick this year. My year started off with an infection and hospitalization, great start right? Oh, and was in the hospital again for my birthday. I was offered to speak at a Family Educational Day for Cystic Fibrosis in January. I was breathing at 46% at that time. After speaking I was offered to become a motivational/educational speaker for Cystic Fibrosis. In February I was hospitalized again. March I crowned a new sister in the Miss America Organization. My time as Miss La Paz County 2012 was over and Amy Watts became Miss La Paz County 2013! I was hospitalized again in April. During this time I had to drop all of my classes in college. Feeling heavily discouraged after dropping all of my classes for the 3rd semester in a row, I signed up for 2 summer courses. I continued to compete in April, once for Miss Mohave County 2013 and Miss Southeast Arizona 2013. Both of which I did not win. In May I went to San Diego, California to speak at a convention for Cystic Fibrosis. Although not at my healthiest, I enjoyed celebrating my boyfriends birthday along with speaking to great people. Falling very ill, I landed in the hospital again over Memorial Day weekend. I then did not come home for 41 days. Through June and most of July I was admitted into Phoenix Children's Hospital. After many sleepless nights and painful days we learned I was heavily infected with a fungal infection. We used the strongest medicine to kill the fungus and we got no where. I returned home with no answers, now breathing at 32%. I flew to Chicago at the end of July to be in an educational video for Cystic Fibrosis. On my way home I was hospitalized again, but now in extreme distress and in the ICU. The month of August will have changed my life forever. I decided and agreed to go through with a double lung transplant. I was then breathing at 20% and getting worse every day. Half of August, September, October, and half of November my life was on pause, recovering from my life saving surgery. November was very honoring. I was to be a bridesmaid for one of my best friends, Kati. December was such a relief to just enjoy home and relax with family. Through my whirlwind of 2013 I managed to meet incredible people, have unforgettable experiences (good and bad), and gained a new life and new perspective. My goal for 2014? Win another title and go to Miss Arizona again, maybe complete a book, possibly finish my 501c3 non-profit organization paperwork, stay in school, get back into work, use my new lungs to my advantage and hit the gym. I wake up every day, just simply amazed that I am still here. My gratitude to so many people is overwhelming and too long to list names lol! Something I am still getting used to is thinking about tomorrow. I now have a tomorrow and have everything to look forward to in 2014. So with that being said; 2013, you've been great and horrible all at the same time. There are no new beginnings, only pushing forward. All things are possible!
XO- A

Today's the day!!!!!!!

Today I am 3 months and 6 days post my double lung transplant. I have not had any huge bumps in the road. My medications have gone down to a regular dose. I have gained over 20 lbs. Lastly, I am proud to say that I am breathing at about 90%. That means one amazing thing: I get to go home!!!! I have clinic today and I cannot bring myself to find a reason they won't let me move home. This has been a long road, and it is by no means over. But I think the hardest part has passed. I couldn't be happier with my decisions these past few months. My quality of life has been restored. I am ready to live the life I always dreamt of! I have some major events coming up! This Saturday (Yes, in just 2 days!) one of my best friends is getting married and I am a very proud bridesmaid to her! I am also practicing for my first pageant in January! I am competing for the title of Miss Phoenix/Miss Cave Creek. I have created new short term and long term goals in my new life! My short term goals are ambitious but I feel they are very possible. I want to win a pageant this year. I want to raise the most money for Children's Miracle Network in the Miss Arizona Scholarship Organization. I also want to win a preliminary at Miss Arizona. If I am ready, I'd be happy winning Miss Arizona. If not this year, another year. I want to reconnect with my home community and give back more than I ever have before. I want to hold a Cystic Fibrosis Fundraiser Walk. I want to breathe at 100%, I don't remember ever being able to do this. My long term goals are quite extraneous but nonetheless, I want to make them happen. I want to become an author, very soon. I want graduate with my PharmD and become a research pharmacist. I want to learn how to scuba dive (something I was told I could never do because of my bad lungs). I want swim with whales. I never thought much about my future before, now I know its endless. This has been an incredible journey. I am still learning to live again, but really live this time. I am grateful and thankful, but ready to move on. I'm so excited to be going home today!

I am #205!

Well, lets just start by saying "my life has changed forever"! After my last blog I had a wonderful trip in Chicago. I was very sick but pushed through. After Chicago I started my long journey that I am on now. I was admitted into Phoenix Children's July 31. I was on oxygen and in the ICU. It was decided between everyone that I needed a transplant. I was transferred to St. Joseph's Hospital on Saturday August 3. The tests started immediately for the transplant list. I was finished with the tests and listed by Monday August 5. On the beautiful day of Thursday August 8, I received my transplant. I am the 205th lung transplant at St. Joseph's Hospital. I am very proud of my new sense of identity! After that day I saw life through different eyes! I can finally look forward and plan my future. I have waited for this feeling my entire life. I was discharged from the hospital 9 days after my transplant. I have been living in Phoenix for the last few weeks and will continue living here for another few months. My recovery has been remarkable. I have never been so grateful for such a gift. Next week is my 1 month mark since transplant! I feel not only has this decision changed my life physically for me, but it has opened so many opportunities! I have a new story to share with the world. My first interview airs with Fox 10 News in a few days and I think from there my story will spread to others will want to know more about my story. I have also been so inspired to write another book! My first book, a historical romance, will always be my first love. But this new idea I have is really going to be great. I started a memoir that will include life before, during, and after transplant. It will explain Cystic Fibrosis so the reader will be informed on the disease before they read my story. I think I want to title it "I Survived". I think that title is relatable for my readers. I want to explain the title in the book, also. I think every individual has their own battles and struggles, each person's is different in every way. In my eyes, for that person to live another day through their personal battles is a true definition of surviving. It kind of goes with one of my favorite quotes, "Do not fear death, but rather fear the unlived life. You don't have to live forever. You just have to live." I am open to any feedback on the title or suggestions for my memoir! A new life, new beginnings, and new chances!

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

I've been home for almost a full week from Phoenix Children's Hospital. I have to admit, one of the longest and most challenging stays I have ever had to experience. I entered the hospital on June 5 and was released July 16. A total of 41 long days! After many series of tests and trials of medicine, and a procedure called a bronchoscopy, I learned I was ill with 2 bacterial infections, pneumonia, and a fungi called Aspergillus. I went through complications with my port (not surprising one bit), a couple IV's, at least one week of fever spikes of 102, migraines, chest pains, needing oxygen through out the day and night, lowered lung functions, crazy emotions, sleep deprivation, and weight loss (120 lbs down to 105 lbs). My lung functions dropped down to 33% (a healthy person is normally at 100%). Because of that, we started talking about a double lung transplant. I am going to get evaluated at a transplant center, just in case I need a transplant. I'd rather be safe than sorry. I was upset at first about this but I have realized IF I need a transplant, that does not weaken me. It's a challenge I can over come, if I need to. The cause of my weight was directly related to a medicine I was that made me so sick to my stomach that I could hardly stand the smell of dry Cheerios. It will take me over a year to gain back the weight I lost. I am overly excited to be home and ready to get back on the right track again.

I am doubtful I can compete  in the pageant coming up at the end of August. I was hoping to compete for the title of Miss Pinal County 2014. I tried to play my saxophone the other day and had a very hard time. Talent counts for the most points during competition and I don't want to struggle for my talent or risk a coughing fit during my performance. I'm thinking I might hold off to compete again until January. That should be enough time for me to get my health up enough to perform properly!

On another note, I leave for Chicago tomorrow! I will be accompanied by my father. We will drive into Phoenix tomorrow and fly out Thursday morning. We are going to visit family in Chicago, Springfield, and Petersburg. Then I think we might go up and visit some family friends. On Monday we will return to the airport to be picked up by the my chauffeur. Tuesday morning I will be in a film talking about maintaining a strong weight while eating a healthy diet (kind of ironic I will be talking about this after losing 15 lbs lol). Tuesday afternoon I will be in a second video talking about why keeping a positive attitude is key for not only good health but in life generally. Tuesday night we will hit the city! We have tickets to see a comedy musical called "Let Them Eat Chaos". Wednesday morning we fly home! I'm so ready for this adventure!!! I am so excited to have my dad there with me. I couldn't ask for better :) My next post will include details and pictures from my trip!

XO- A

It's been a while!

If you ask me, I've really fallen off the bandwagon with my blog! It's taken me WAY too long to update! Here's to catching up:

 It's been a few weeks since my San Diego trip, but a trip I will not soon forget! I was really nervous for what awaited me as I arrived in San Diego with my boyfriend. I wasn't sure what I had gotten myself into. As soon as I arrived to the hotel of which I were to make my speech I was welcomed by my amazing liaison, Maja. She helped prepare me for my speech. I met amazing people who couldn't wait to hear my story. After doing a run through and a brief meeting I spent my evening enjoying it with my boyfriend. The next morning really changed my perspective with my illness. I was the first speaker at the conference. I spoke for about an hour and 15 minutes. I noticed as I spoke in the audience, I had people laughing, crying, and inspired. I would have to say, if you ever get the chance to say something to someone and see complete inspiration fall over their faces; never take a second thought on doing it. I was very rewarded with a standing ovation from the audience after I completed my speech. The standing ovation actually lasted so long, I felt very awkward. I was very humbled by this. I was also overwhelmed by hugs and uplifting words. The rest of my vacation was well spent with my boyfriend.

I have now gotten an offer to go to Chicago to be in a video. The script has been written up and approved. I will be leaving for Chicago the week of July 15! Even more recently I have received a second script! I don't know all of the details for this opportunity but they will come!

I have also signed up for 5 pageants after January. I am determined to make it to state next year! Speaking of state!!! Miss Arizona 2013 starts in just a few days! The new Miss Arizona 2013 will be crowned in little more than a week. I wish the best of luck to all of my friends this next week! Love you all!!!

My health hasn't been the greatest. I am currently hospitalized at Phoenix Children's. It's been a week and I'm feeling a bit better. Another week or so and I should be on top of my game! Staying positive is key.
XO- A