I Look Like Them

Cystic Fibrosis (CF) is a physical disability but cannot be seen. It plagues every day and every action. It makes you rethink every single move. You end up asking yourself, "how badly do I need that glass of water on the counter?" Something so simple can throw a CFer into a 30 minute coughing fit. However, we don't look like we are disabled. Sure, most of us look like we have an eating disorder and dark circles under our eyes. But besides that, unless we tell you we are sick, the general public would never know. Ever since I was a young child I was told I was the "poster child" for those living with Cystic Fibrosis. I always took all of my medication. I always did my treatments. I was very active. I ate great with no weight problems. I did everything I could possibly do to stay healthy. Because of my compliancy I was rewarded with praise that I never looked like I had CF. I didn't have dark circles under my eyes. I wasn't extremely skinny. I didn't have any scars on my body from surgeries. I didn't have clubbed fingers. I grew used to hearing I don't look like them. For that, I was very proud. As I grew older I noticed people would ask me every once in a while if I had CF. I realized I am starting to look like them. I became self conscious about this. After my transplant I have noticed I have been asked more than I ever have before my transplant. Last night I was in Walmart out of my hometown with my friend Leah. Shopping for a few pageant items, a lady was looking at coffee. We walked by the coffee and I made a comment about how I thought Macadamia Cookie coffee sounded very unsatisfying. The lady asked if we saw any hot chocolate and we helped her and her daughter look. We didn't find any but before we parted she asked me, "May I ask you a personal question?" With no shame in anything I replied with permission. "Do you have Cystic Fibrosis?" And with that question I saw Leah's jaw drop. I smiled and said "Yes I do. I'm actually almost 5 months out of my double lung transplant." With excitement and gratitude she praised the Lord and hugged me. She went on to tell me how she lost her son to the battle with CF. A harsh reality we CFers face is that we don't live very long. The other woman asked how she knew I had CF. She said because of my voice, my fingers, and my attitude. I said "there's something about CF, we just know" We exchanged contact information and carried on our shopping separately. I realize now that in the CF community I do look like them. I am proud of that. It's a beautiful thing to realize you're not alone in such a terrifying life. There's nothing easy about CF but to know that I have the complete support of the CF community is satisfying. I know I have support from many many more people, for that I am grateful. But it is different coming from people experiencing the same life. It's nice to be reassured I am not the only one.
XO- A

2013 is Over

With it being so close to a new year I feel obligated to express my feelings about my year. How incredible, terrifying, scarring, relieving, unforgettable, liberating. If there is any year that I could mark that I grew the most, I would pick this year. My year started off with an infection and hospitalization, great start right? Oh, and was in the hospital again for my birthday. I was offered to speak at a Family Educational Day for Cystic Fibrosis in January. I was breathing at 46% at that time. After speaking I was offered to become a motivational/educational speaker for Cystic Fibrosis. In February I was hospitalized again. March I crowned a new sister in the Miss America Organization. My time as Miss La Paz County 2012 was over and Amy Watts became Miss La Paz County 2013! I was hospitalized again in April. During this time I had to drop all of my classes in college. Feeling heavily discouraged after dropping all of my classes for the 3rd semester in a row, I signed up for 2 summer courses. I continued to compete in April, once for Miss Mohave County 2013 and Miss Southeast Arizona 2013. Both of which I did not win. In May I went to San Diego, California to speak at a convention for Cystic Fibrosis. Although not at my healthiest, I enjoyed celebrating my boyfriends birthday along with speaking to great people. Falling very ill, I landed in the hospital again over Memorial Day weekend. I then did not come home for 41 days. Through June and most of July I was admitted into Phoenix Children's Hospital. After many sleepless nights and painful days we learned I was heavily infected with a fungal infection. We used the strongest medicine to kill the fungus and we got no where. I returned home with no answers, now breathing at 32%. I flew to Chicago at the end of July to be in an educational video for Cystic Fibrosis. On my way home I was hospitalized again, but now in extreme distress and in the ICU. The month of August will have changed my life forever. I decided and agreed to go through with a double lung transplant. I was then breathing at 20% and getting worse every day. Half of August, September, October, and half of November my life was on pause, recovering from my life saving surgery. November was very honoring. I was to be a bridesmaid for one of my best friends, Kati. December was such a relief to just enjoy home and relax with family. Through my whirlwind of 2013 I managed to meet incredible people, have unforgettable experiences (good and bad), and gained a new life and new perspective. My goal for 2014? Win another title and go to Miss Arizona again, maybe complete a book, possibly finish my 501c3 non-profit organization paperwork, stay in school, get back into work, use my new lungs to my advantage and hit the gym. I wake up every day, just simply amazed that I am still here. My gratitude to so many people is overwhelming and too long to list names lol! Something I am still getting used to is thinking about tomorrow. I now have a tomorrow and have everything to look forward to in 2014. So with that being said; 2013, you've been great and horrible all at the same time. There are no new beginnings, only pushing forward. All things are possible!
XO- A

Today's the day!!!!!!!

Today I am 3 months and 6 days post my double lung transplant. I have not had any huge bumps in the road. My medications have gone down to a regular dose. I have gained over 20 lbs. Lastly, I am proud to say that I am breathing at about 90%. That means one amazing thing: I get to go home!!!! I have clinic today and I cannot bring myself to find a reason they won't let me move home. This has been a long road, and it is by no means over. But I think the hardest part has passed. I couldn't be happier with my decisions these past few months. My quality of life has been restored. I am ready to live the life I always dreamt of! I have some major events coming up! This Saturday (Yes, in just 2 days!) one of my best friends is getting married and I am a very proud bridesmaid to her! I am also practicing for my first pageant in January! I am competing for the title of Miss Phoenix/Miss Cave Creek. I have created new short term and long term goals in my new life! My short term goals are ambitious but I feel they are very possible. I want to win a pageant this year. I want to raise the most money for Children's Miracle Network in the Miss Arizona Scholarship Organization. I also want to win a preliminary at Miss Arizona. If I am ready, I'd be happy winning Miss Arizona. If not this year, another year. I want to reconnect with my home community and give back more than I ever have before. I want to hold a Cystic Fibrosis Fundraiser Walk. I want to breathe at 100%, I don't remember ever being able to do this. My long term goals are quite extraneous but nonetheless, I want to make them happen. I want to become an author, very soon. I want graduate with my PharmD and become a research pharmacist. I want to learn how to scuba dive (something I was told I could never do because of my bad lungs). I want swim with whales. I never thought much about my future before, now I know its endless. This has been an incredible journey. I am still learning to live again, but really live this time. I am grateful and thankful, but ready to move on. I'm so excited to be going home today!

I am #205!

Well, lets just start by saying "my life has changed forever"! After my last blog I had a wonderful trip in Chicago. I was very sick but pushed through. After Chicago I started my long journey that I am on now. I was admitted into Phoenix Children's July 31. I was on oxygen and in the ICU. It was decided between everyone that I needed a transplant. I was transferred to St. Joseph's Hospital on Saturday August 3. The tests started immediately for the transplant list. I was finished with the tests and listed by Monday August 5. On the beautiful day of Thursday August 8, I received my transplant. I am the 205th lung transplant at St. Joseph's Hospital. I am very proud of my new sense of identity! After that day I saw life through different eyes! I can finally look forward and plan my future. I have waited for this feeling my entire life. I was discharged from the hospital 9 days after my transplant. I have been living in Phoenix for the last few weeks and will continue living here for another few months. My recovery has been remarkable. I have never been so grateful for such a gift. Next week is my 1 month mark since transplant! I feel not only has this decision changed my life physically for me, but it has opened so many opportunities! I have a new story to share with the world. My first interview airs with Fox 10 News in a few days and I think from there my story will spread to others will want to know more about my story. I have also been so inspired to write another book! My first book, a historical romance, will always be my first love. But this new idea I have is really going to be great. I started a memoir that will include life before, during, and after transplant. It will explain Cystic Fibrosis so the reader will be informed on the disease before they read my story. I think I want to title it "I Survived". I think that title is relatable for my readers. I want to explain the title in the book, also. I think every individual has their own battles and struggles, each person's is different in every way. In my eyes, for that person to live another day through their personal battles is a true definition of surviving. It kind of goes with one of my favorite quotes, "Do not fear death, but rather fear the unlived life. You don't have to live forever. You just have to live." I am open to any feedback on the title or suggestions for my memoir! A new life, new beginnings, and new chances!

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

I've been home for almost a full week from Phoenix Children's Hospital. I have to admit, one of the longest and most challenging stays I have ever had to experience. I entered the hospital on June 5 and was released July 16. A total of 41 long days! After many series of tests and trials of medicine, and a procedure called a bronchoscopy, I learned I was ill with 2 bacterial infections, pneumonia, and a fungi called Aspergillus. I went through complications with my port (not surprising one bit), a couple IV's, at least one week of fever spikes of 102, migraines, chest pains, needing oxygen through out the day and night, lowered lung functions, crazy emotions, sleep deprivation, and weight loss (120 lbs down to 105 lbs). My lung functions dropped down to 33% (a healthy person is normally at 100%). Because of that, we started talking about a double lung transplant. I am going to get evaluated at a transplant center, just in case I need a transplant. I'd rather be safe than sorry. I was upset at first about this but I have realized IF I need a transplant, that does not weaken me. It's a challenge I can over come, if I need to. The cause of my weight was directly related to a medicine I was that made me so sick to my stomach that I could hardly stand the smell of dry Cheerios. It will take me over a year to gain back the weight I lost. I am overly excited to be home and ready to get back on the right track again.

I am doubtful I can compete  in the pageant coming up at the end of August. I was hoping to compete for the title of Miss Pinal County 2014. I tried to play my saxophone the other day and had a very hard time. Talent counts for the most points during competition and I don't want to struggle for my talent or risk a coughing fit during my performance. I'm thinking I might hold off to compete again until January. That should be enough time for me to get my health up enough to perform properly!

On another note, I leave for Chicago tomorrow! I will be accompanied by my father. We will drive into Phoenix tomorrow and fly out Thursday morning. We are going to visit family in Chicago, Springfield, and Petersburg. Then I think we might go up and visit some family friends. On Monday we will return to the airport to be picked up by the my chauffeur. Tuesday morning I will be in a film talking about maintaining a strong weight while eating a healthy diet (kind of ironic I will be talking about this after losing 15 lbs lol). Tuesday afternoon I will be in a second video talking about why keeping a positive attitude is key for not only good health but in life generally. Tuesday night we will hit the city! We have tickets to see a comedy musical called "Let Them Eat Chaos". Wednesday morning we fly home! I'm so ready for this adventure!!! I am so excited to have my dad there with me. I couldn't ask for better :) My next post will include details and pictures from my trip!

XO- A

It's been a while!

If you ask me, I've really fallen off the bandwagon with my blog! It's taken me WAY too long to update! Here's to catching up:

 It's been a few weeks since my San Diego trip, but a trip I will not soon forget! I was really nervous for what awaited me as I arrived in San Diego with my boyfriend. I wasn't sure what I had gotten myself into. As soon as I arrived to the hotel of which I were to make my speech I was welcomed by my amazing liaison, Maja. She helped prepare me for my speech. I met amazing people who couldn't wait to hear my story. After doing a run through and a brief meeting I spent my evening enjoying it with my boyfriend. The next morning really changed my perspective with my illness. I was the first speaker at the conference. I spoke for about an hour and 15 minutes. I noticed as I spoke in the audience, I had people laughing, crying, and inspired. I would have to say, if you ever get the chance to say something to someone and see complete inspiration fall over their faces; never take a second thought on doing it. I was very rewarded with a standing ovation from the audience after I completed my speech. The standing ovation actually lasted so long, I felt very awkward. I was very humbled by this. I was also overwhelmed by hugs and uplifting words. The rest of my vacation was well spent with my boyfriend.

I have now gotten an offer to go to Chicago to be in a video. The script has been written up and approved. I will be leaving for Chicago the week of July 15! Even more recently I have received a second script! I don't know all of the details for this opportunity but they will come!

I have also signed up for 5 pageants after January. I am determined to make it to state next year! Speaking of state!!! Miss Arizona 2013 starts in just a few days! The new Miss Arizona 2013 will be crowned in little more than a week. I wish the best of luck to all of my friends this next week! Love you all!!!

My health hasn't been the greatest. I am currently hospitalized at Phoenix Children's. It's been a week and I'm feeling a bit better. Another week or so and I should be on top of my game! Staying positive is key.
XO- A

New Idea, New Friends!

Today I sent out a bio about myself living with CF to families living with the same illness. I am attempting to reach out to them. I have had great responses so far! This is a wonderful step for me. I hope to create many friendships with other CFers sending them inspirational videos. May is CF awareness month! In honor of that, I will be dying my hair purple in about a week! Purple is the color for CF. I'm very excited about this. And in ONE WEEK I will be speaking in San Diego for CF!!! I have come to an amazing realization; this wicked disease of Cystic Fibrosis is actually turning out to be an incredible gift with many many positive opportunities! I am almost fortunate for this illness...
XO- A

Miss Southeast Az 2013 results

This past weekend I had the pleasure of competing with 6 other women for the title of Miss Southeast Arizona 2013. This was the last pageant of the season before Miss Arizona. My mom, a good friend and I drove down to Sierra Vista, a 6 hour drive! We had a blast all together! On Saturday Miss Southeast Arizona 2013 was crowned. I am very proud to say I placed first runner up! I was also the winner of the Quality of Life award! The class of the Miss Arizona 2013 competition is complete! Best of luck to all of my great friends! With that being said---BRING IT ON SEASON OF 2014!!!!!!!!
XO- A

Miss Mohave County 2013 Results

This past Saturday I had the pleasure of competing with 4 other women for the title of Miss Mohave County 2013. Although I did not win, I had an amazing time! What a sweetheart Lauren is! Just like the rest of her beautiful family! I look forward to seeing them at Miss Southeast Arizona in two weeks. Katie was one of a kind :) her talent was perfect for her, stand up comedy! I really enjoyed her continuous positive energy through the evening. My good friend, Leah, went out on that stage and rocked it like I knew she would! She will be joining me to Miss Southeast Arizona! She has become an amazing pageant sister! And finally, congratulations to the new Miss Mohave County 2013 Tana!!!! Such a well deserving titleholder. Good luck at state!
Like I had mentioned, I will be competing for Miss Southeast Az 2013 in less than two weeks! I have some practicing I need to do. I started a new work out today with my father. I'm very excited to physically feel good and to see how my new routine will help my Cystic Fibrosis.
Wish me luck!
Xoxo-A

Update on everything!

In two weeks I will be competing for the title if Miss Mohave County 2013! I am so grateful to have become apart of such an amazing program as the Miss America Organization. It's absolutely fabulous!
This past week I signed up for a wonderful thing in my community! I became a Chamber Ambassador for the Parker Area Chamber of Commerce. Being a member of the Cham Bams I will be volunteering through out the community in activities through out the year and also helping with the Chamber Mixers! I am very excited to continue staying involved with my community.
I am also getting anxious for my San Diego trip! I haven't been to San Diego in so long. My speaking engagement also falls on the day of my boyfriends birthday! What a coincidence!!
This Tuesday I have a doctors appointment at PCH. Staying positive!
XO- A

San Diego in May!

I received a phone call about a week ago from a Network I joined called SPEAK Network (Sharing People's Experiences And Knowledge). SPEAK allows me to volunteer my time sharing my story to inspire others. One week ago I was asked if I would be interested in speaking at a pharmaceutical conference in San Diego in May. I was very honored and shocked! I received a phone call today with more information. I will be speaking to 175 people about my story and about a medicine I take. I will be staying at the Hard Rock, where the conference will be. All expenses paid for by the SPEAK Network!! The time I am in San Diego, it will also my sweetheart's birthday! What a great way to celebrate! I am so excited for this opportunity! I will definitely be blogging about that day when it comes!

Farewell Miss La Paz County 2012

The evening I was crowned Miss La Paz County 2012 a new journey started for me. I started living a dream I dreamt of for year’s prior. Up until the night I was crowned I did not know the true beauty of winning this pageant. I was overwhelmed with excitement as I heard my name announced as the winner, but I about fainted when Miss Arizona 2011, Jennifer Sedler, hugged me with her kind words, “Welcome to the sisterhood!” I then realized at that exact moment that I was to be a part of something much greater. Becoming a titleholder of the Miss America Organization has taught me mostly about myself and who I am to become, but also what I can accomplish. My first year serving was made possible by me, but was made incredible by many.

            My family has given more encouragement than I honestly know what to do with. Crowning night I arrived to my back stage mirror approaching signed cards with encouraging words, taped all over my mirror. Weeks after and into Miss Arizona, I received cards daily from family members near and far wishing me luck and joy. As I spent my week competing I was given a card a day of which my family had signed with personal notes, small gifts, and flower arrangements. Preliminary nights, I had the best support group any one could ask for. My family all wore t-shirts with my picture on them with words “Team Tozer”. To all of my family, thank you for being Team Tozer all year long!

            My dearest Mother and Father: to put this simply, I do not have enough time in all eternity, not enough words in my vocabulary, and most certainly not enough paper to express my gratitude for all you have given me. You both are my foundation and biggest supporters. You’ve seen me fall, you’ve seen me shine, and mostly you’ve seen me grow. I am grateful for all you have given and taught me, and I look forward to all I still have to learn. My one goal as your daughter is to always make you proud. I love you with all my heart Mama and Daddy.

            Kursten, my very best friend and closest thing I have to a sister. As we both grow into adulthood there are special things I want to encourage you with: I want to inspire you to be the incredible woman you are meant to be, I want to lead with example showing you that anything is possible, I want you to believe in yourself knowing when you do that outstanding things will happen. You give me such pride in myself, but more than that- I am proud of you. You have taught me your best quality, to be brave. I love you so much.

            Josh, never have I known a man to be as such a great friend to me, and also a beautiful partner in a relationship. You always remind me to be my best. Through every idea, every appearance, every suggestion, you have always supported me. Having you at Miss Arizona with my family meant the world to me. You really have become a solid part of my foundation. You continued to remind me that you believed in me and that I was beautiful in heart and physically. Having you be a part of this journey is such a treasure. Thank you for always being positive and helping me be my best.

            Three very special women in my family deserve all the credit I could possibly give: Cherre Hooper, Lindee Woody, and Erin Woody. They were always there for questions coming from me, or my parents. They taught me how to do pageant hair and make up. They taught me how to walk on stage, how to speak on the radio, Miss America secret rules, my platform and paperwork, and made sure I was dolled up for my pictures. My dream to become Miss La Paz County started with their daughter, Lexi, as she was crowned in 2009. You have all helped mold me into my dream of being a Miss America titleholder.

            Spending a week with Marion Shontz at Miss Arizona was one of my most cherished parts of my experience. I have the best memories from our late night conversations. Every night Marion would tell me something I will never forget: to let me light shine in all that I do. Thank you for being the best traveling companion.

            Mary Hamilton, you have helped me exceed my dreams of my organization of Grin & Bear It. As we have now started the lengthily process of creating Grin & Bear It into an official 501c3 non-profit organization, you have also become a dear friend and wonderful supporter. You inspire me on so many levels!

            Thank you, Kelly Edwards, for being the best seamstress a pageant girl could ever ask for. From helping me select my wardrobe, to rescuing me from wardrobe disasters a week before Miss Arizona. You’ve always been so flexible to help me in my time of need. You helped me look fabulous competing for Miss La Paz County, you helped me feel confident in my presentations and appearances, and you helped me shine at Miss Arizona. Thank you for always helping me look and feel unstoppable.

            When I decided to compete for the title of Miss La Paz County, I continuously ask myself “Why do I want this?” Always to follow was my answer, “I want to represent my home and the people I love.” I have carried that same passion through my year. I love this community and have done my best to represent my home. I would like to thank our community as a whole for my outstanding year.

            I am forever thankful for the Miss La Paz County Scholarship Pageant committee for providing such a beautiful opportunity for young women though out La Paz County to enter as contestants in this pageant. I would not be where I am today with out that same opportunity.

            I am proud to say that I am a part of the Miss Arizona sisterhood. I could not be more fortunate to know such a perfect group of inspiring women. The love we all share for each other is so much appreciated. Thank you for welcoming me and supporting me all year.

            All five of the Miss La Paz County 2013 contestants have become friends of mine. To the young lady I crown tonight- Congratulations! Every woman will walk away as a winner: 1 with a crown and 4 with the growth of heart. You will all do amazing things in your lives. I am proud of all of you!

            It has been an honor to serve as Miss La Paz County 2012. My organization, Grin & Bear It, will blossom into a beautiful creation in years to come. As the Miss America Organization is the leading scholarship provider for young women in the world, I am a full time student pursuing my scholastic ambition of achieving my Doctorate’s degree in Forensic Psychology. To Keerstyn Edwards, Miss La Paz County Outstanding Teen, and Aubry Herrell, Miss Parker Outstanding Teen, I know you will both do amazing at the state level. I will be there to cheer for you both and the newly crowned teen. Good luck my friends! To all the wonderful people I have not thanked individually, know you are appreciated and cherished in my heart. I will forever adore my memories and experiences as Miss La Paz County 2012.

All my love,

Alyson Tozer

Miss La Paz County 2012

            

Great Beginnings!

Two weeks from today I will be giving away my title of Miss La Paz County 2012. It has been a long time dream of mine to become a Miss America titleholder. I have loved my first year but I can not wait to get back on stage to perform again! My next challenge is to win Miss Mohave County in April. I will continue to aspire my dream of becoming Miss Arizona one day!
I have been given the opportunity to become a member of a program called S.P.E.A.K. (Sharing People's Experiences and Knowledge). I am very excited to have this opportunity to share my story and success with my disease, Cystic Fibrosis. I have always been afraid to share my disease with the world until I competed for my first Miss America local pageant. I am now addicted and cannot share it enough! I will have the chance to share my story and encourage/inspire others. I will be doing many interviews of all sorts, conferences, media of all sorts, and more! I am 1 of 10 nationally in a specific division of S.P.E.A.K. This journey has just started!
I am also a writer who can one day call herself an author! I am in the midst of writing my first book. A tragic love story starting in the year 1436. I will share quotes from my story as it progresses and my achievements as they come. I also plan to write a book called "iSurvived", an autobiography of my journey through my experiences in the Miss America Organization and my triumph with my disease.

I can't wait for my future!

-Love, A.